Naked Karma

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxxii

2006-08-08T13:02:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

The National Lawyer Guild Law for the People Disorientation Handbook
the beginning of football season
Wonkette, Politics for People with Dirty Minds
unpacking
the occasional Big Red soda

Bad Karma:

loan forms, for the most part
using pejoratives

Wisdom for my cult, no. 89

2006-07-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

Bureaucracies, at their best, are a necessary evil. At their worst, they are permanent.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 88

2006-06-30T16:06:00.000-07:00

There are times when hitting it with a hammer is the best answer.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 87

2006-06-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

When you're looking for something you've lost, after you've searched the same places three or more times, sometimes it's helpful to look someplace different.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxxi

2006-06-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

freshly painted walls
turkey
getting plenty of fiber
dill pickles
winning an Olympic medal
porpoises
domes
the occasional ottoman
comic books

Karma Neutral:

road courses

Bad Karma:

Tom & Jerry

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxx

2006-06-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

a well-worn sofa
acts of valor
quality paint

Bad Karma:

short-changing someone
eating gross things

Landmark, no. 8

2006-06-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

If at all possible, when a friend or a member of are family needs help with moving or with a home project, we happily volunteer to help.

We cheerfully accept the sacrifice and inconvenience involved, enjoying the opportunity to help out and to spend more time with said friend or family member.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 86

2006-06-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

From time to time it's helpful to recruit friends and family to help you in your projects, like home renovation or moving. Some tips:

1. Treat their time as golden. They likely have other things they need to be doing or that would be more fun to do, so any time they have to spend standing around waiting for you to need them is wasted. Have a plan prepared before they arrive, have materials on hand, have everything set up so that they can pitch in as soon as they show up.

2. Have everything done already for which you don't need them. This builds on #1, above. During a move, try to have all the small stuff boxed up already, so they can help you quickly and efficiently move the furniture and load the boxes. Try to avoid sticking them with work you could have done earlier. (With moving this can be especially tricky as people may be unsure of how you want stuff boxed, which items need to go right away, etc.)

3. Let them work at their pace. They're volunteers, so be quick to take hints about when they may be ready for a break. Ideally, this time should be both fun and productive--nothing ruins the mood faster than an overzealous taskmaster.

4. Don't ask them to do something with which they're uncomfortable. One of the best ways of doing this is to lay out a series of options. You should take on the task no one else wants.

5. Be grateful.

6. If at all possible, find some way of thanking your volunteers. Pizza and beer are fairly traditional for moving. My little brother took everyone out for a nice barbq lunch after he had help moving. If so inclined, thank you notes or emails are welcome. Some people have been known to give small gifts. Just remember to make some effort, even if only a token, to demonstrate that you are thankful for their help.

7. Return the favor. It's stunning how quickly a crowd of good friends can disappear when someone needs help moving or painting. Be the person who stands up and happily volunteers to help. (You can even be this person before you've asked for a favor yourself.)

2006-06-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Melanie, a frequent reader and likely-as-not heckuva person, for submitting this additional life-advice site:

lifehack.org, the Productivity, Getting Things Done and Lifehacks Blog

2006-06-06T02:21:00.000-07:00

Two other blogs I read off and on:

Lifehacker, the Productivity and Software Guide
Get Rich Slowly

Wisdom for my cult, no. 85

2006-06-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

Some of the best lessons are learned through failure.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 84

2006-06-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

Regarding home projects:

1. As much as possible, never start a second project before finishing the first. There are fun phases and lame phases to every project, don't get through the fun phase only to be distracted by something fun elsewhere only to procrastinate the hard work left on your first project. Work towards completion, knowing that a finished project is damn near happydownlow.

2. Clean up your project at the end of each day. If you leave the mess, you'll soon become inured to the chaos and your home will descend into the health department's "hellhole" status.

3. Plan your work in stages. Aim to complete a stage each time you return to the project.

4. Let happy accidents happen. Sometimes you'll discover the best color, texture, design, solution only by utter random happy chance.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 83

2006-05-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a book called The Naked Olympics: The True Story of the Ancient Games--good book, lots of fun... apparently lots of nakedness at the ancient Olympics.

The book quotes the Greek playwright Eubulus advising people to stop drinking after the third cup because "the fourth belongs to hubris, the fifth to shouting, the sixth to revel, the seventh to black eyes, the eight to legal actions, the ninth to bile and the tenth to madness."

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxix

2006-05-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

the Pizza Hut Priazzo
giving polite & funny customer feedback
the Brooklyn Bridge
immigration

Karma Neutral:

geography bees

Bad Karma:

allergies

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxviii

2006-05-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

peaceful transitions
a good night's rest
seeing a movie at the cinema
an early start to the day
bucket hats

Karma Neutral:

serving as Vice President of the United States

Bad Karma:

employing uniforms to enforce segregation
earthquakes

Happy exercise, no. 4: Inbox freedom

2006-05-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

All Happy ExercisesTM should be performed only after adequate consultation with your legal, medical, spiritual, and other advisors

By the end of the week, cut the number of messages in your email inbox by half. Halve the number again by the end of next week and so on until you can finish a day with no messages in your inbox.

I tend to agree with others that two pernicious sources of stress in our lives are tasks left unfinished and unartistic clutter. A full inbox generally represents too much of both and is a drag on our moods and our energies. It's a burden to which we've become so familiar that we rarely notice it anymore.

Group emails you're saving for some reason into folders--jokes, passwords, invoices, etc. If you intend to reply to an email, take the few minutes necessary and do it. If an email contains an important reminder to do something, move it to your calendar. If an email contains a task which needs completed, complete the task or move it to a to-do list. If it contains an important attachment, save the attachment to your computer in an appropriate folder.

Any decent email software includes spam filters. Take the time to learn how to operate these and use them--they will save you hours and likely will help protect your computer from viruses, worms, and related ilk.

You'll find it's much less depressing and intimidating to open your mail program and be confronted with one day's email as opposed to the past 8 months. It's freeing. It's happy. It's good times.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 82

2006-05-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to the Men's Health e-newsletter and I'm frequently impressed with their advice. (If you'd like to subscribe, you can do so for free--there's a sign-up near the bottom right of their homepage.)

Today they sent me a list of "18 Things Worth Fighting For." I may not agree with them completely, but I enthusiastically support numbers 2, 6-9, 11, 16, and 18. It's worth checking out.

They also offer this wisdom on how to deal with your boss. Again, I can't necessarily endorse all of this, but there's wisdom to be gained.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxvii

2006-05-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

learning to surf
the Wichita River Festival
the video game Guitar Hero
movies about lawyers for the most part
winning a Grammy
Harry A. Blackmun
blink-182's "What's my age again?" & "All the Small Things"
making a movie
promptly shipping packages

Bad Karma:

showing buttcrack
being a self-important bitch
for the most part, serving in the administration of George W. Bush

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxvi

2006-05-09T03:51:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Arrowhead Stadium
in-depth knowledge of typefaces
yoga
working at Starbucks
Fall Out Boy
sheet magnet
watching South Park with Spanish subtitles

Karma Neutral:

references to "Generation X"

Bad Karma:

child soldiers
trading players for cash

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxv

2006-05-06T21:55:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Pete Wentz
Sculpey: The Oven-Bake Clay
the occasional light-hearted tiki
sending thank you notes
revitalizing a piece of furniture, a home fixture, or an appliance with spraypaint

Karma Neutral:

measuring your junk

Bad Karma:

dehydration
taking too much pride in belching
unaccounted odors

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxiv

2006-04-16T05:33:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Australia's National Public Toilet Map
playing Easter Bunny
public dog parks
making people feel welcome

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxiii

2006-04-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Lawrence, Kansas
paying your taxes on time
Noah Webster's American Dictionary of the English Language
the color green
occasionally sleeping on a couch
taking a friend to lunch
the Motorola PEBL
the animated series Drawn Together

Bad Karma:

efforts to increase the size of your happydownlow
enriching uranium

Wisdom for my cult, no. 81

2006-04-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

If there is only one place where it doesn't make sense to park as close to the building as possible, it's the gym.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxii

2006-03-19T00:24:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

positive touching
being friendly to people you once dated
watching cartoons late at night
a well-pressed shirt
the moment before the first kiss

Bad Karma:

lame people wearing the same shirt as you

Landmark, no. 7

2006-03-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

We celebrate St. Patrick's Day. We spend time with friends and family, we make new friends, we find love, we revel in a day of simple joy, we remember the importance of immigration in America's greatness, we read limericks, laugh, sing, pray, or exult in whatever fashion suits us.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Wisdom for my cult, no. 80

2006-03-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

There is not a holiday for which cupcakes are not welcome.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxxi

2006-03-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

the FOX show The Loop
the shamrock
the University of Kansas
being friendly
the Deluxe Jesus Action Figure

Bad Karma:

strange, foul odors in your home

2006-03-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

This is cool:

Stambovsky v. Ackley
(in which the Appelate Division of the New York Supreme Court ruled that a specific house, as a matter of law, was haunted)

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxx

2006-03-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

spending your career with one team
mentoring others
the phrases "woohoo," "whoot," and "wheee," when used sparingly
March Madness
Albert Einstein

Bad Karma:

being stupid
cheating on your taxes
hating gay people and asking auto manufacturers to hate them too

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxix

2006-03-06T05:56:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

bonobos (see also here)

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxviii

2006-03-05T18:08:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

Oklahoma City University
Washburn University
immigration
iTunes

Bad Karma:

Oral Roberts University

Wisdom for my cult, no. 79

2006-03-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

Never assume any photograph or video of you naked will be kept private. These things are always shared.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxvii

2006-03-04T13:09:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

meeting new people
reducing unenjoyable unnecessaries in your life
doing something
enjoying the moment
quality letterhead
magazines, for the most part

Bad Karma:

credit cards

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxvi

2006-03-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

good oral hygiene
setting aside at least a few minutes each day to play with your pets
genorosity
appreciating a wide variety of music
keeping in touch
reading books

Bad Karma:

burning bridges you may have to cross later
cigarettes
crusades against "immorality," for the most part

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxv

2006-02-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

Super Bowl Sunday
winning a Super Bowl championship
neon signs
the happy trail
Albuquerque

Bad Karma:

trash talking after the fact

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxiv

2006-02-02T17:31:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

surviving food poisoning

Bad Karma:

any restaurant that gives you food poisoning

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxiii

2006-01-28T15:27:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

breakfast food at send-offs
having a sense of humor about your medical problems
waiving application fees
buying Danny's house at more than market price
the University of New Mexico

Bad Karma:

knee problems

Wisdom for my cult, no. 78

2006-01-21T16:44:00.000-08:00

Tips for sleeping in a business-class hotel:

1. Leave the television on. Have a steady background of friendly noise or be lulled to sleep only to be awakened by unfamiliar and seemingly loud strange sounds every 90 minutes. I strongly recommend the Cartoon Network, Comedy Channel, or maybe ESPN. Avoid news channels--too little good news, shouldn't listen to it all night.

2. Do something for at least 20 minutes during the day or early evening. Try to work up a sweat. Your goal isn't so much a workout as it is to let your body feel like it has done something. If you have access to a pool, go swim for a while, if the hotel has even the most rudimentary fitness center, do 20 minutes on the treadmill. If all else fails, try to do pushups or situps or whatever exercise you feel comfortable doing.

3. Avoid alcohol. Many people feel that the alcohol helps them sleep. It doesn't. It may help you get to sleep, but it does hurt the quality of sleep you'll get that night.

4. As much as possible, do not touch the bed until it is time for you to go to sleep. Many rooms push you into treating the bed like a couch. Don't do it. The more time not sleeping you spend on the bed the harder it will be for you to sleep when it is time.

Also: I have worked housekeeping, so know that I am not making this up: bedspreads at many hotels are not laundered more than once a month, if that. The sheets are likely relatively clean, maybe the blanket, but the bedspread is no cleaner than the armchairs in the lobby of the public library.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxii

2006-01-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

heavy whipping cream
the Pueblo Revival style of architecture
red velvet cake in blue or green or yellow
the beer Pacifico
waiving fees
passive solar heating
using a shaving brush

Karma Neutral:

being an attorney

Bad Karma:

redundant application forms
lying
nuclear weapons
getting a skull tattoo
the K Street Project

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxxi

2006-01-18T18:59:00.000-08:00

Good Karma:

Holiday Inn Express
the Chinese New Year
people who do their jobs well
hoodies, especially in brown or with Jeep logos
ESPN2
the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google
flashcards
sleeping well
indoor pools, when it is cold outside
the name "Mel"
advancing in the playoffs
people who care
the International Gay Rugby Association & Board
The Family Guy animated series
building your own house
cursing less, generally
making a kimono for someone as a gift
balconies
the Fox Sports Pre-Game Show
Carhartt jackets
giving unexpected after-Christmas gifts to people
the Detroit Auto Show
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Bad Karma:

Indiana
hemorrhoids
the Chevy 1500HD
the law school application process
cronyism in government
truckstops pretending to be towns
Dan Marino as a sportscaster
unreimbursed expenses
Matt Millen, President/CEO, Detroit Lions
Eastern Standard Time
giving your cold to someone else

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxx

2005-10-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Tractor Supply Co.
Slate.com
taking care of your feet
roller blinds

Bad Karma:

moving a sports franchise
roadkill

Wisdom for my cult, no. 77

2005-10-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

Needy is never sexy.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxix

2005-10-16T02:16:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

station wagons
ESPN

Bad Karma:

planned obsolescence

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxviii

2005-10-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

flaxseed
Oktoberfest
the gift of pumpkin bread

Bad Karma:

price gouging

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxvii

2005-10-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

being around happy people
fixing something broken
writing a Halloween story
instant messaging

Bad Karma:

defenestration
price gouging

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxvi

2005-10-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

asterisks
affectionate dogs in the morning
web access to email
new friends
sharing food
gorillas using tools
chili
marking holidays

Bad Karma:

mustaches, for the most part
dirty gasoline

Wisdom for my cult, no. 76

2005-10-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

As a manager (and probably as a parent) if you strive to create an environment where people are afraid to make a mistake, you will still have mistakes, but you will instead have created an environment where people strive to hide them from you.

Mistakes happen. You will never eliminate them. Patterns of mistakes you can stop, but you must know about mistakes as they happen to find the pattern and to have a hope of stopping it.

2005-10-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

The rules.

Landmark, no. 6

2005-09-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

We do not forward chain emails. Of the great social ills confronting our nation, this one is the most easily stopped.

We take the time to substantiate email claims/warnings/stories or we refuse to pass them on to others. Too many stupid urban legends (de-bunked 77 x 7 times since the '90s) still clog our inboxes. Most are easily discredited with a minimum of research.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 75

2005-09-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

People tend to mean well. They rarely mean to do harm.

There sure is a lot of hurt in the world though, huh?

It's because you don't have to mean to do harm to inflict it. You can have the best of intentions and hurt someone you'd rather not hurt.

This is important because it's true for everyone.

YOU inflict unintended harm. Not just your neighbor, not just me, not just George W. Bush--YOU are a cause of some of the world's unjust, unnecessary pain.

You may not be able to stamp it out--it's unlikely any of us will ever lead a perfect life--but you can reduce the amount of unintended harm you cause. But you must first be willing (and fully able) to admit you are responsible for others' hurt through your actions. Work to more fully develop your measure of accountability.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 74

2005-09-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Soup, by itself, really isn't a meal. Soup is a nice complement to a good meal, maybe, or something nice to serve to the convalescent.

Chili is not soup. Chili can stand alone as a meal. If you could confuse your chili for soup, you are making your chili wrong.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxv

2005-09-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

pumpkins in the house (especially those fated for pies)
having a couch in your living room long enough for a guest to crash on
slipcovers
a short nap in the afternoon
funny beer commercials
laughing with friends
yogurt
picking up litter

Bad Karma:

being unable to realize your faults
comedy skits that fall flat
blocking or partially blocking a window with a television or stereo

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxiv

2005-09-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

the word "taoist"
word verification from the good people at Blogger.com

Bad Karma:

being a self-righteous dumbass

2005-09-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the asses win,
Sometimes the f**kheads thrive.

Conduct yourself well.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxiii

2005-09-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

the Dashboard and Widgets features of Mac OS X Tiger
Mac OS X Tiger
the occasional Green Tea Frappucino
committing to the running game

Bad Karma:

plantar warts
loading sports events with sentimental baggage
serving soup, unaccompanied, as a meal

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxii

2005-09-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

the iBook G4
wireless internet
smooth pebbles
planting a tree
a well-built spreadsheet
pigmented concrete
the nickname "Paco"
posting forthright product & service reviews for others
orange construction cones
photo albums

Bad Karma:

muffing a punt reception
the Fugitive Slave Act
the refusal or inability to acknowledge one's own ignorance

Citizenship

2005-09-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

Because being a good citizen is both good karma and, sometimes, sexy.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cxi

2005-09-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Constitution Day
finding a bunkmate
joyful greyhounds
the Spanish phrase "?es verdad?"
the coming of autumn
the song "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch"

Bad Karma:

lying to friends

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cx

2005-09-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

plastic monkeys, in moderation
a clean desk
the iPod nano
washing your car
plants in the office

Bad Karma:

building in a floodplain
too-frequent "adjustments" of yourself in public

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cix

2005-09-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

granola
green building
taking a new approach

Bad Karma:

lying on your resume
ragweed

Wisdom for my cult, no. 73

2005-09-09T06:44:00.000-07:00

When dreaming, you can get anything you want by reaching into your pocket and pulling it out.

Cult Reading List, no. 8

2005-09-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Dalloway A favorite from Virginia Woolf about struggles with meaning.
The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference Changing the world is easy.
The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary True story.
Astonish Yourself! 101 Experiments in the Philosophy of Everyday Life Some of these are more worthwhile than others.
What Would You Do? A thoughtful and sometimes funny response to a common argument against Christian non-violence: "What would you do if a criminal was about to kill your wife?"
Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds When the stupidities of today get you down, read about the stupidities we've survived.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cviii

2005-09-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

short summer storms
thick walls
Joan Baez' "Three Cheers for Grandma!"
serving as Chief Justice of the United States
helping out a friend
taking lots of photographs

Bad Karma:

temper tantrums
looting
Roger Taney
charities employing telemarketing

Wisdom for my cult, no. 72

2005-09-04T19:15:00.000-07:00

Best footwear for summer storms: shower sandals or plastic flipflops.

Your feet will get wet regardless. (It's actually sorta nice if you just go with it.) The storm will soon pass. But soggy socks will linger. Avoid the problem with bare toes.

Happy exercise, no. 3: Alternative yoga

2005-08-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

All Happy ExercisesTM should be performed only after adequate consultation with your legal, medical, spiritual, and other advisors

Do yoga to country music.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 71

2005-07-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

If you live in an apartment, you can't throw an after-party for more than 4 guests. If you do, the police will be called.

No matter how quiet, considerate, and respectful your guests promise to be.

No matter how thick you think the walls to be.

No matter how often your neighbors have thrown wild parties at all hours.

If you do, the police will be called.

HAPPY DANNY DAY

2005-07-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

Today is Happy Danny Day, the culmination of the Festival of Danny (though the festival lingers on through tomorrow, like confetti after a parade).

Some suggestions on how best to mark the occasion:

try yoga
send a package to a friend
sex, lots of sex
drinking
dancing
eat well
exchange gifts with others
postpone some chores
treat yourself
buy a house
sell a house
tip well

Festival of Danny, Friday

2005-07-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Today is the fifth day of the Festival of Danny, which culiminates on Saturday but lingers on through Sunday like cold pizza for breakfast.

Please join in the celebrations wherever you are.

Some suggestions:

give Danny a gift
send a card to someone you love
go skinny dipping
do some grilling
see how good of a person you can be for one day

Festival of Danny, Thursday

2005-07-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

Today is the fourth day of the Festival of Danny, which culminates on Saturday but lingers on through Sunday like chex mix after New Year's.

Please join in the celebrations wherever you are.

Some suggestions:

get a haircut
drink a lot of beer
take a long weekend
swim
buy a boat
name an island after a loved one
have a bonfire

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cvii

2005-07-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

digital cameras
Life Cereal
toe-curling joy
washed, fine, white sand

Bad Karma:

bacne
hiding cameras in locker rooms, changing rooms, or bathrooms
the Minuteman Project

Wisdom for my cult, no. 70

2005-07-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

Don't tape yourself having sex with someone else (or alone for that matter) unless you are eager to share your grunting, nekkid, toe-curling self with the world. Video like this does not stay hidden from the world for long.

Festival of Danny, Wednesday

2005-07-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Today is the third day of the Festival of Danny, which culminates on Saturday but lingers on through Sunday like happy memories of the night before.

Please join in the celebrations wherever you are.

Some suggestions:

start the day with a kiss
buy a book
plant mint
write a letter
read "Howl" aloud
tap a keg, empty it
make & eat nachos

I'm with you in Rockland where you scream in a straightjacket that you're losing the game of the actual pingpong of the abyss

-from "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg

Festival of Danny, Tuesday

2005-07-19T05:07:00.000-07:00

Today is the second day of the Festival of Danny, which culminates on Saturday but lingers on through Sunday like a neighborly occupation.

Please join in the celebrations wherever you are.

Some suggestions:

write a love letter
make friends with someone taller than you
get a Proclamation from the Governor
build a water feature
protest something evil
create and submit a recipe for Happy Danny cookies

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.

-from "To His Coy Mistress," Andrew Marvell

Festival of Danny, Monday

2005-07-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of the Festival of Danny, which culminates sometime Saturday, but lingers on through Sunday as all good times do.

Please join in the celebrations, wherever you are.

Suggestions for celebrations:

buy donuts for coworkers
shower with a friend
give a dog or cat a treat
send in a suggestion for a new name for the Festival of Danny
wear flipflops
get a massage
buy a new backscrubber
send in suggestions for ways to celebrate

I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.

Creeds and schools in abeyance,
Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard,
Nature without check with original energy.

from "Song of Myself," Walt Whitman

Wisdom for my cult, no. 69

2005-07-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

If there's anyway at all you can rig it, set yourself up with music in your bathroom. (If you can, rig it so you can pump the volume up and damn near leave your ears ringing.)

Any day that starts out with you belting out your favorite song while sudsing up your nekkid self cannot end too badly and will likely have some fun moments in the middle somewhere.

2005-07-17T15:28:00.000-07:00

I can't endorse all of these, but there's some real wisdom to be gained:

How to Pick Up a Sailor
How to Be a Charismatic Cult Leader
How to Become a CIA Agent
How to Buy Your Way into High Society
How to Be a Romantic Poet
How to Be a Stripper (a female stripper)

Wisdom for my cult, no. 68

2005-07-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

If your two otions seem to be

1. to dance, probably awkwardly and with other people laughing at how funny you look, with someone you badly want

or

2. to stand alone and quietly watch someone you badly want dance with someone else,

it's better to dance.

Odds are, you don't dance as badly as you think. Odds are, even if you do, the someone you badly want won't mind so much. (This is an area where showing up is often the only thing that counts.) Odds are, even if someone is laughing at your horrible dancing, they'd love to have a shot at the someone you want badly. Odds are, if you go home together, it won't matter whether you danced badly or not.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cvi

2005-07-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

being kind to dogs
the United States of America
Brett Favre
building your own home
the Int'l Assoc. of Professional Bureaucrats
iTunes
Yahoo! Instant Messenger

Bad Karma:

monthly decline-or-we'll-mail-'em-sucky-tho-they-may-be book and music clubs
open sores

Wisdom for my cult, no. 67

2005-07-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

There's really no humble way to name a university, church, or city after yourself.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 66

2005-07-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, if you put things you don't want out on the curb, people will come and take them for you.

Sometimes, it's just the good folks from the trash company.

Sometimes, it's a neighbor who needs a couch or something.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cv

2005-07-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

knowing your history
Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place
public service
hot links

Bad Karma:

series novels
bowdlerized texts

Wisdom for my cult, no. 65

2005-07-06T19:19:00.000-07:00

Avoid the movie Open Range except as a penance.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 64

2005-07-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

There are things in life that, if they're to be done well, should generally be done slowly. Some examples:

losing weight
building muscle
making love
making a marriage
making chili
getting a tan
writing an epic
barbq
giving a massage
painting a mural.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 63

2005-07-04T18:39:00.000-07:00

When naked and with others it's important to be able to laugh. No matter how sexy the moment may seem, it amounts to a lot of odd shapes flopping around damn near indiscriminately: funny damn stuff. Forget how laughable the situation is (even while it's sexy) and the world will conspire to remind you.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, civ

2005-07-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

hosting a barbq
windows open to daylight
John Wayne

Bad Karma:

leaving people hanging
homicidal rage

Wisdom for my cult, no. 62

2005-07-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

Although increasingly forgotten, there actually is a difference between being certain and being right.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, ciii

2005-07-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

broadband internet
yellow labs
webcams
good customer service
dating Danny
drive-in movie theaters
the moment of release when you have to go badly because you've held it almost too long

Bad Karma:

sunburns
trade show over-saturation
bored employees
cursing in a church

The 86 Rules of Drinking

2005-06-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you who drink, I strongly endorse the better part of these.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, cii

2005-06-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

the months of June and July
pigeons outside your window
championship games
David Letterman
patching a hole
stretching
a cat on your windowsill
the Gettysburg Address

Bad Karma:

embezzlement
drunk driving
overuse of exclamation marks

Good Karma/Bad Karma, ci

2005-06-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

IKEA
a job well done
grilling
the Tempur-Pedic mattress
eating well
replacing a collapsed sewer line
winning the Nobel Prize in Chemistry
vivid dreams
the first day of summer
catered barbq

Bad Karma:

diet soda
nuclear power
plantar warts

Cult Reading List, no. 7

2005-06-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

A Book of Nonsense Harmless nonsense to to help you escape, for a while, some of the dangerous nonsense of daily living.
This Book Will Change Your Life If nothing else, it's a fun design/graphics compilation.
Sammy's Hill Light, fun, and optimistic: Gidget Goes to Washington.
Why Flip a Coin? The Art and Science of Good Decisions The book applies statistical decision theory in an effort to help you play sports, invest in stocks, get happydownlow, and find the best plea deal.
Sons and Lovers A rainy day novel.

Wisdom for my cult, no. 61

2005-06-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

Freedom is being the craziest person in the room.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, c

2005-06-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

pistachio tea bread
translating
feeding others
good friends

Bad Karma:

AOL

Good Karma/Bad Karma, lxxxxix

2005-06-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

developing quality freeware
St. Patrick
a well-written resume
blue toilet water
kiwi
clean sheets
old-school Buicks
olive oil
space

Bad Karma:

1-900 numbers
plagues
termites
warmongering
potholes

2005-06-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

One of the more worthwhile discussions I've found on the internet:

http://macaddict.com/forums/topic/7483.

Starbucks' karma & tipping

2005-06-11T22:16:00.000-07:00

After much thought and observation, I've decided to fully embrace the fact that I like Starbucks. I like the fact they treat their employees well. I like the fact that they practice at least some environmental responsibility. I like their attempt at design in their stores. I like their coffee, tea, and other beverages. I like the friendly and helpful people there.

What finally won me over was my recognition of the persistent efforts of this international franchising corporation to be neighborly. These guys, in many ways, are better neighbors than the mom-and-pop, independent shops often touted as worthy of our loyalty. I'll continue to support the independent, local coffee shops--if for no other reason than to support variety and individuality--but, from, here on out, I admit my affection for Starbucks.

On a related note, I'm also announcing my stand on tipping at Starbucks:

Please do not feel slighted or pressured if you disagree with me, but I believe tipping is appropriate at Starbucks. You tip bartenders; you tip the waitress who pours you coffee at a lunch counter; you should tip the Starbucks baristas. It's a little confusing because they also seem like a fast food joint--most of us don't tip when we pick up a taco or corn dog in a paper bag--but tipping is the right thing to do. The customer service I receive at Starbucks is typically the best I see in any given week. The people at Starbucks deserve a little thank you for their efforts.

Good Karma/Bad Karma, lxxxxviii

2005-06-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Starbucks
instant messaging
winning a Nobel Prize
sparing, appropriate use of the term "ass-clown"

Bad Karma:

mixing tequila and Bailey's

Good Karma/Bad Karma, lxxxxvii

2005-06-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

drinking lots of water
rain
hyperlinks
a massage

Bad Karma:

the collected works of Charles Dickens
coups

Good Karma/Bad Karma, lxxxxvi

2005-06-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

a turtle showing up in your backyard
smiling
calculators which don't add correctly
fruit

Bad Karma:

car-salesman-yelling ads

Good Karma/Bad Karma, lxxxxv

2005-06-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

Good Karma:

Southwest Airlines
taking the doors off of your Jeep
learning Spanish
the Roadrunner

Bad Karma:

the Baath Party
electrocuting yourself